How often do you wonder if anyone else is having the same experiences you are when it comes to the challenging sexual issues in life? Surely these topics are not ones you’re comfortable bringing up at a stag party, confessional camp fire, or on a third date. Yet, these topics need to be addressed and Lucky Bloke wants to support you in figuring out your best possible sex life.
Our goals are simple: to reduce the stigma around certain discussions AND to bring light to tough issues that men and women face on their own. For us, these topics are ones that are all-too-often seen as taboo or addressed as the butt end of a joke, causing the people to feel ashamed, embarrassed, or forced into hiding.
Insight comes, more often than not, from looking at what’s been in front of everyone all along, rather than from discovering something new. Today there’s a movement on body positivity that strongly focuses around women of all sizes but let us not forget men of all sizes too. In this world contending with hypermasculinity, anyone that doesn’t fit into a bigger, tougher, manlier mold is apt to deal with anxiety, depression, and body issues. And let’s face it — most men don’t fit into this mold.
So if you’ve been living under a rock, here’s the breaking news… Bigger is not necessarily better. So called "small" penis owners (and their partners) have a wonderful, satisfying sex lives.
Hundreds weighed in to share a broad look at the “bigger is better” myth, and one brave anonymous Lucky Bloke customer (and former global condom reviewer) wants to take the discussion deeper. He bravely and forthrightly shares his experience of having what some consider a smaller penis. In this exclusive interview, he shares his own personal story and the challenges he has faced fighting against the myth. He also talks about supportive partners who provided perspectives to provide a different view. Now he is an empowered lover with great wisdom and insight to share.
I sometimes wish it were at least average in size. It was the source of some insecurity when I was younger, but I've learned to live with it and I'm mostly happy in spite of being small. I've also learned to compensate in bed, and to be more careful about when and how I let a partner get a good look at it. I like how it looks, aesthetically, and have been told by partners that they feel similarly, though the adjectives they use are usually "cute", "adorable", even "petite" or "sexy" which are nice to hear, I suppose but not as reassuring as "hot", "gorgeous", etc.
I take the time to learn what my partner needs and wants, and to compensate for being small and have been complimented on my technique. Does that make me good? I don't know. Giving good oral and using my fingers well, as well as being comfortable experimenting with toys and positions that allow for better sex all help a lot.
I had a one-night stand with a girl where I just used my mouth and fingers on her all night, right up until the very end and gave her a number of orgasms. I didn't penetrate her or even have my penis out until we were almost done and when I did, she was so turned on, she came again almost immediately as I slid into her. She didn't even notice how small I am and wasn't even thinking about anything other than how great the experience was.
I also have learned to avoid one-night stands (ONS) and instead develop a relationship first. With ONS, everything tends to be more superficial and it's a lot more about the physical attraction. You don't know the person that well, so it's sometimes easier to be hurtful or reject them since they don't mean as much to you, and you don't have a deeper basis for attraction, so things like size tend to play a larger factor (no pun intended) in the attraction equation.
With the relationship, it can still make a difference, but it's much further down the list I think, of what you find attractive in a partner.
I dated a girl once for almost a year and we weren't intimate for the first month or so. She ended up breaking up with me over my size, but it was much later in the relationship and there was more willingness to try to overcome it. In the end, she just needed more than I could give her there, but had we done the ONS thing, she likely would have not called me again or rejected me before we even got started.
Growing up, I didn't know that they made small condoms or that I even needed something different. I knew I was smaller than most guys, and the condoms I used (Trojans maybe?) tended to slip off me or get extra material bunched around the base, which would chafe uncomfortably if we weren't careful.
I just thought I had a weird biology or something so that regular condoms just didn't fit me properly. I knew they had regular size and big ones but obviously I didn't need those. Then one day, my partner handed me the magazine she was reading and pointed to an article. It may have been Newsweek or something like that. The piece was about how condom manufacturers were struggling with ways to effectively advertise condoms to men so that they bought the right ones.
They were specifically talking about making sure average-sized men knew that buying oversized condoms wasn't just unnecessary, but could actually increase risk of pregnancy or STDs through breakage or slipping off.
I asked the girl what she thought I needed to see - we both knew I wasn't big - but she pointed to a sidebar to the article which was talking about companies also facing difficulty with small condoms. No one would buy anything that said "small" or that was printed with anything that even hinted at that, and so they would sit unsold on shelves.
As a result, retailers wouldn't order them. Those few that did often reported a lot of theft because people were embarrassed to buy them. But the article also mentioned that some pharmacies would special order them directly from the manufacturer for you if you asked, and even keep a small supply behind their counter if you were a regular customer.
My girl and I went to our local pharmacy that afternoon and asked them to order us some. It was a little embarrassing at first, but the pharmacy tech was completely professional and made the call - the difference was absolutely mind blowing. All this time, I'd been using the wrong ones and once I found some that fit, it helped immensely.
I've never looked back. All this was before condom stores on the internet were a thing, of course. Now I just order them online.
It's unfortunate that we tie so much of masculinity to something like this and it's permeated our culture to the point that it's we don't even think about it consciously. We use [the phrase “bigger is better”] to sell cars, food, homes, and bank accounts. "Bigger is better" seems to be everything.
For men, it's a measure not just of our bedroom worthiness, but our success, social standing, importance and attractiveness to women (or so we are told). It's a staple of sitcom humor on American prime-time television and men who don't measure up are seen as a laughing stock, undesirable and if a woman ends up with an under-endowed man, she's pitied or put in a position where she has to defend her attachment to him "in spite of" his shortcoming.
I think it can lead to internalized misogyny and anger and anxiety and it makes me sad that men with small penises are somehow at the bottom of some social desirability ladder because of it.
I'm not too picky, as long as it stays on and doesn't chafe due to extra material from being larger than I need. I find myself buying Iron Grip, LifeStyles Snugger Fit and Beyond Seven, simply because they're common and I know I can trust them to fit properly.
I have found that seeking out and actually trying those guides online you see for positions for small guys, tends to work well. They have silly names: "Curved Back Doggy Style", "Side Saddle", "Pile Driver" (yuck!), but they are effective. It's also fun to try out new things.
Or if you're just needed something more traditional, I've been told by more than one woman that I'm great for oral, as there's no danger of gagging or choking, and that I'm good for anal as well. Some women, it's true, just aren't into the idea of anal at all for whatever reason, and that's fine. But if they've been curious to try but have hesitated because they're worried that it will hurt or their previous partner has been too large for comfort, being small can be a great selling point.
I've had many women who had been unwilling, finally decide to experiment because they weren't intimidated or nervous because I'm small, and almost all of them have been really happy with the results. When you're nervous, your body tends to hold tension and it's more difficult to relax so it's going to be even worse when you try to insert something large that she's already anxious about, when she clenches up.
More standard positions like missionary or especially regular doggy are difficult or impossible. With doggy, it's rare that I can get in more than the head and much movement at all causes me to fall out. I slip out a lot with missionary, too. I got lucky with one partner who actually really preferred smaller. Her biology was such that even average sized men were difficult for her to accommodate comfortably so when we hooked up, it was like she'd found some treasure. Her enthusiasm for my small cock was hilarious and welcome and wonderful.
In addition to what I've mentioned above (focus on relationships rather than "hooking up", experiment with positions, etc), it's important to remember that she doesn't think in the same terms that you do about these things. Your penis is only a part of an overall idea that she's into. You are not just your penis and it's unlikely she cares nearly as much as you do.
And even if you end up with someone for whom it is an issue, remember that it's just her preference - she can't help what she likes any more than you do. Don't be a dick if it doesn't work out and if she turns out to be a jerk about it (I've had a partner spread rumors about my size in the past - it sucks), well you're better than that anyway.
Concentrate on getting her off and learn to use your tongue, fingers, etc. So many ways to make our partners happy don't depend at all on your penis. Don't measure your worth as sexual being, as a man, or as a person on how you measure up. Buy the right sized condoms and relax.
I've found that 99% of the time, it's only an issue for her, if it's an issue for you. If you have anxiety about your size, she'll pick up on that - women are amazingly intuitive. She might not know why, but she'll sense your anxiety and that will make her anxious as well.
There's an amazing article a woman wrote that I can't find at the moment that describes how she didn't really even notice it was that small until his insecurities started to come out about it, and it got her into her own weird headspace - not because she cared about the size, but because his discomfort was messing with her. Trust me, you care more than she does. Also, learn to have a sense of humor about it. I know it can be hard and I'm not necessarily talking about humiliation or something like that, but it can be much easier to have a discussion about it and how to work together (should that become necessary) to adjust, if you're relaxed and communicative.
You don't need to joke or downplay it, that can backfire, but learn to be okay to talk frankly and openly about what it means to you both sexually, that you are smaller than average, and that you might need to make adjustments.
I have used cock "extenders" and sheaths - those help deeper penetration, though I use them sparingly so that my partner doesn't get too used to that and then it's different when it's just me. Sexy underwear to accent my overall body "look" or help the bulge look fun and sexy. There are some c-rings that help you swell up a little by trapping the blood, though I would use those sparingly as well, for safety reasons. Plenty of non-cock focused foreplay is good too. Make it about her pleasure first. She'll care a lot less if she's had a couple of mind blowing orgasms first.
I'd try to help men overcome their anxiety. Men aren't always given the emotion support or space to discuss how things like this affect them, the way women are.
Most have been fine with it. Many enjoy discussing it with me, especially once they know it's not going to hurt my feelings to talk about it. A few have outright rejected me because I'm too small. That's extremely rare though. Most love that I go to great creative lengths to compensate.
I wish there was a way to change how we as a culture perceive men with small penises, but I don't see that happening any time soon. Remember guys, you are not your penis. She knows this and you should too!
Finding commonality between others who share similar experiences can help with confidence, fight against toxic masculinity, and can allow for a sense of freedom in your everyday life.
Maybe if men could talk about having a small penis in conversation, instead of whispers, in mixed company, men wouldn’t grow up thinking they are less than, some women wouldn’t think that dating someone with a small penis is a downgrade. That at the end of the day it’s only genitalia, it’s bodies, it is not what makes a person, doesn’t define them, it is only part of the beautiful package.
Men with a small penises are just as much a sex god as men with bigger packages because guess what — a penis doesn’t define the quality of sex. It’s all about the person, the communication, and how two (or more) people connect in sex.
Our most sincere thanks to this very courageous reader for sharing his thoughts and wisdom with us. If you have thoughts about other condom or sex-related topics you’d like us to explore in our conversations with Lucky Bloke readers, please send us a comment or a note.
To learn more about condoms that are designed for men with a small penis (and the partners who enjoy them), check out our Ultimate Slimfit Sampler for an assortment of condoms for men with smaller penis and/or men who desire a tighter fitting condom for greater pleasure.