What Is The Best Way To Talk To My Teen About Safe Sex?

We know you’re probably uncomfortable talking to your teen about safe sex, and you’re not alone.

It’s a sticky topic, one that you may very well dread talking about, even though you know you need to address it. Because if you don’t, it’s guaranteed someone else will.

Not surprisingly, most parents aren’t comfortable even thinking about their teens having sex, much less talking to them about it. Add to that the social norms and religious beliefs that complicate feelings about sex, and the whole conversation becomes even more emotionally charged and overwhelming.

Not to mention, there are the variables around the safe sex talk — when, where, how do you bring it up? It’s enough to make even the most competent parent wish that they could take a pass.

Despite the temptation to turn a blind eye, the safe sex conversation is likely one of the most important conversations you’ll ever have with your teen. It literally has the power to save their life.

Here are 3 statistics you should know:

1. Most teens think that you can visually tell if someone has a sexually transmitted infection (STI), which is not true.
2. One out of every four sexually active teens currently has an STI.
3. One in every two sexually active youth will contract an STI by age 25.

If you’re struggling with your own discomfort, here are three places to begin:

One, make it general. This is advice everyone needs to stay safe. First and foremost, remember that this advice could save their life.

Two, speak about facts and research, not the moral implication or the values you have about sex and intimacy. Data is your friend here and the more you can educate from this perspective, the easier it will be to say the words you need to share.

Finally, sometimes having a script can help. Here’s one way you might consider broaching the topic of safe sex with your teen:

Tom (insert your kid’s name here), I read something really surprising today and I want to share the information with you. I'd just like you to hear me out. I’m open to answering your questions if you have any, but mostly, I'd just like you to hear what I have to say. I am sure that you’ve heard how important it is to use a condom.

Then, add in the statistics from above (or any others you want to share):

I was really surprised to learn that most teens think that you can visually tell if someone has a STI. This is absolutely not the case. Further, one out of every four sexually active teens currently has an STI, and one in two sexually active youth will contract an STI by age 25.

When I was young, most STIs could be treated with antibiotics. Unfortunately, that’s is no longer always possible.  Your generation is going to have to be very aware of condoms and how to properly use them, more than ever before.

If you hit a wall talking with your teen, don’t push, let the conversation go for another day. Just remember you planted the seeds she or he needs to be able to talk more about it when they are ready.

Next, consider that just as it’s important to talk to your teen about using a condom, it only works when they know how to use one properly.

A recent international study by the Kinsey Institute found that almost half of condom users are improperly using condoms. That’s pretty important to know, because if a condom user isn't wearing a condom properly it defeats the purpose of using a condom to have safe sex.

The study also stated that the most common errors include putting on the condom too late and taking the condom off too soon, not leaving space at the tip, and using a non-compatible lubricant. Often this happens because people are wearing the wrong size condom. If you want to help your teen with this part of the discussion, the previous link will help them find the right size for them.

Share with your teen that if the condom feels loose or slips around or it is too big it might be more comfortable and safer to use a slimfit condom.  If the condom feels too tight and restrictive it is too small perhaps it would more comfortable and safer to use a larger condom.  50% of men can use the standard size condom sold in most stores and passed out at most schools and clinics.

Kids will explore sex, it’s a rite of passage. By arming your kids with the tools to stay safe, you’re doing your job as a great Mom or Dad.

Have other questions about how to talk to your kids about sex, leave a comment for our team.  We’ll get back to you directly and we might just answer your question in a future article.

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